Why it’s important to talk about money with your partner

We share a lot of life elements with our partners – homes, pets, holidays, bills, rent or mortgages. But despite paying for all these things together, we often struggle to talk about money.

Money can be a very touchy topic, as we all have our own views and hang-ups on what money is and how it should be used. And when those views don’t align, we can end up having heated disagreements that can erode the love and trust we’ve been building with our partners.

When money becomes intertwined

When you first start seeing someone, your finances are still very much your own. You may start booking holidays together or alternating between who will pay for dinner, but on the whole, you get to manage your money your way.

But once we move in with a partner, it’s unlikely that you’ll both keep your financial responsibilities separate. While we may have had an inkling of how the other person manages their money, we now need to integrate it with our own style, and that can often lead to friction.

Understanding the differing views on money

Some people see money as something to be used and enjoyed here and now, since we don’t know how long we’re all going to be here. Others think of it as a tool, only getting it out when the need arises. Some people want to be as frugal as possible now so they can build their wealth and live a luxurious lifestyle later, while others just want enough to get by so they can focus on what they’re passionate about.

There’s no wrong or right way, only different ways people think about money. The hard bit is integrating the way we think about money and the view our partner has, as both have an equal place in the household.

How to talk about money with your partner

There is a lot of debate on ‘the different ways people think about money’. But when it comes down to it, the best person to explain their view on money is the person we’re talking to.

When it comes to having this discussion, it’s important to have it early and separate it from any disagreements or related incidents, like who’s paid for the latest meal out or food shopping run. Trying to talk about such a delicate topic at this time will likely only escalate tensions.

Instead, set aside some time for you both to discuss it as its own dedicated topic. It’s fine to bring up examples of how you think about and manage money, but it’s vital neither of you brings up old grievances where one of you felt slighted.

And it may seem obvious, but you both need to be completely truthful. We often try to paint a more accommodating picture early on in a relationship, but eventually, these facades fall short. So don’t try to hide your true feelings or opinions on what money is to you, as all you’re doing is setting the stage for future misunderstandings and disagreements.

What you can gain by talking about money

By understanding where we all stand on money – especially in a committed relationship – we can avoid so many disagreements. But the next stage is just as important.

We not only need to understand someone else’s view on money, we also need to take that into account when making financial decisions together. By approaching these decisions with both viewpoints in mind, and discussing them together, you can help reinforce the love and trust you’ve been working on together as opposed to accidentally whittling it away with avoidable disagreements.

This blog is provided for general information purposes and is not a recommendation you enter into or exit any particular loans or insurance policy. Information on the website does not consider your particular circumstances, including your objectives, financial situation or needs. We recommend you seek advice from a financial adviser before taking any action as appropriate. The Lending People Limited (FSP240365) is a licensed financial advice provider and can provide advice on some types of personal loans. Find out more about The Lending People and how we may be able to help you.